Nice guys finish last...But do Ladies?

How do ladies do it? I'm not just talking about any girl on the street, I'm talking about a real old fashioned lady. The tactfull woman who handles everything with grace and never shows too much skin. Someone that lives to help others and is never selfish, and always modest. I like to think of myself as a lady..most of the time. Maybe half a lady and half a teenager still. I swear way too much to be a lady and my eating habits could definitely use some work. The hardest thing I think about being a lady though? Being nice to people that don't deserve it. Being tactfull to a disrespectful girl is one of the hardest things to do. Is it lady like to act like she's just not there? Becuase that's all I can give right now. I haven't yelled at her but I talk about her behind her back occansionally. Maybe that will be my new year's resolution. Stop talking negatively about people. Really it only brings me down to their level and never makes me feel good about myself. Because of these untactful girls I have lost a great friend. I'm the least threatening woman I could think of, but I'm thought of as a potential homewrecker? I've never done such a thing, but I'm potrayed as one. I don't understand how someone could be so insecure in themselves, and in my opinion if you are THAT insecure about yourself your not ready for a relationship. Should I take it as a compliment that people are so threatened? No, I won't because like I said, a real lady is modest and is not selfish. I want to be the lady people strive to be. So I will be on a mission to buy a glamorous string of pearls and a little black dress, and strive to class up my attitude. I want to be a better person because no matter what people say the good guys get somewhere. I will be a classy but strong woman that knowks what she wants! Right now I am so lost and feel like my life is at a standstill...but if I can make myself feel better and take chances with my life I will go places.

Haywire

I'm sitting in my silence infested bedroom trying to read a book that I got from the library today. As I get to the second page I realize that I'm comprehending the book but I'm not giving it my full attention. Then it got me thinking about how some silence can be so loud. Everyone has heard that line in a book or a song most likely before, but it has never been so tangible until now. I'm trying to enjoy this book and as I'm reading I'm almost having another conversation in the back of my head. I have seriously never heard silence quite so loud before. There is a fan across the room yelling into my ear and the the blinding florescent light is buzzing it's way into my nerves. Maybe I'm realizing these things because the this book describes silence in the first six pages. It has made me more perceptible to the minuscule pops of sound around me. It almost makes me timid. As if I'm wanting quite so profoundly but I'm too shy to ask for it to shut up. Although the real question is: How do you ask silence to be...well silent? It's the big elephant in the room that everyone who has experienced has thought about, I assume. I feel like my senses have exploded in the last few minutes. Everything is harshly bright. I can smell the harsh air conditioning invading my room. Even air itself is flowing over my skin, as waves of Arctic chill trickle down my spine, begging my comforter for warmth. My mind is out of control tonight.I'm thinking too deeply about everything. Now I just need to make the decision to embrace this insanity or just drift off to sleep...

Stupid Jeans

I'm worried I'm getting fat...I'm pretty damn voluptuous now but I'm afraid I'm gaining more weight! I feel skinnier but that has to be my confidence talking.

There is just this one pair of jeans in my closet. I've had them forever and sometimes I fit in them and sometimes I don't, but this time (when I don't fit in them) it's really bothering me. I know what I need to do, that's self explanatory. I need to work out. Although that's easier said than done. I have class until 5:45 two days a week and I don't even have to be on campus the other two days, then Friday is my day I get out at 12:50 and who wants to work out on Fridays! This is just my ultra procrastinating self talking here but goodness all I want to do is sit around haha I just don't want to gain more weight than I am right now. I'm perfectly happy with myself and I've never felt better for myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't worry about getting fatter...

As much as I love being a voluptuous girl, the life of one sucks occasionally

Voloptuous and Proud!

Can I just tell everyone how nice it is to aspire to be someone that is a real size. Adele is such an inspiration to girls everywhere I feel. I'm not looking at the kind of clothes that I wish I could fit into as often. I love the way I look, and I'm not afraid to sound cocky. It just feels amazing to be able to eat a cookie or a hamburger and not worry that I have to be fat for one more day. And it feels wonderful to not have to contemplate starving myself to look beautiful.  Because I honestly don't feel like I'm fat anymore. Granted I'm probably the biggest I've ever been, but I'm the most comfortable with my body that I have EVER been in my life. I feel beautiful more days than not, and I'm not sure if it's just the people I'm surrounding myself with or if I'm just maturing in a way that I never thought could happen. This amazing woman has sung her way into so many ladies hearts (skinny and voloptuous) and she does it with the upmost class I've seen. In my opinion she is the Audrey Hepburn of our generation. Her music is absolutely moving and from what I can tell from her videos she has some amazing grace and a wonderful heart. If there was a way to be her friend I would absolutely try my hardest for her to like me. She is talented in every single way. THIS girl is what I look up to and admire.

Where do I even start? (Rantings)

Dear Mr. Creep,

No, I do not want to sit by you while you embarrass yourself and me by being annoying to the whole class. I'm not a mean person but by your "no stereotype" persona your quick to judge, that by me wearing nice clothes it means I have no problems in the world. Do you need some glasses or do you just need to open your eyes? Stop trying to act more sophisticated than anyone else, I know it's just a joke. People who try to act sophisticated are just worried about what people think, not about actually learning. Although I appreciate your input in class, that does not mean I have to like you. I will give you the benefit of the doubt one more time, but I swear... If you interrupt me or verbally attack my work again... I won't be very happy. I am not morbid :/ and I'm sure your intelligent in your own way, but stop trying to shove your intellegent persona down my throat. Thank you.




Dear Mrs. History Teacher,

I understand that you get nervous during class, but your pacing around the room tires me out. History puts me to sleep faster than a baby anyways, but your excessive ways of exercising in class distracts me. I'm not trying to be rude but you need to tone it down.

I really wonder what your grade was in speech class. Taking speech while taking this class can be why I'm so biast about this subject. Although I don't think I'm wrong. Your lectures are sporadic, and I can't keep up. You go from one subject to another and when you stop a topic, instead of easing out of it, you comment with "so.." or "anyways...". This is AWKWARD. Have you ever heard of the term white noise? It's something radio stations hate because the listener gets bored easily and changes the channel. Well, I change the channel many times in this class. So please, take a speech class while your here, or practice in a mirror at home but for the sake of my grade.. do something different.

p.s. Another thing, I have 3 other VERY long classes besides yours, so NO I will not read your reading assignments you assign to us that are 50 pages long per week + the 4 articles on the web you want us to read. Your ridiculous.

Thank you

Thinking in Inspiration

I've been sitting in the library for about 2 hours now looking at inspiring quotes. Apparently it's my new hobby because that's all I seem to be doing.

I'm in a good place right now. I'm stressed just about everyday, but that IS the life of a college student and I have homework to get done. BUT it's amazing how at ease I feel with myself at this moment. That's what I love about reading quotes because it reminds you that no one is living your life but YOURSELF, and you can do whatever the hell you want. So what is stopping us? This is my new perspective on things, what I want to live by. I feel like every single person I look up to has not gotten where they are by staying in the tightly sealed box that society expects us to live in. They are creative and thing OUTSIDE this box.

My perspective on things has changed since I've come back to college. First things first is I don't have a crush on any specific guy, which means that I'm not out to impress anyone. I get up every morning and think about how I want to look that day. If it's no make up and sweat pants, so be it! I'm not looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with right now, I'm too ambitious for that. It's so relieving that I can't really put it into creative words. It's just simple. I'm making myself happy before I can make anyone else happy. Another thing I'm trying to work on is figuring out what I want to go to school for. I've been considering taking a semester off or maybe I just need to explore my options a little more closely! It's either makeup or writing, so there isn't really a big range of decisions there. Even though the ultimate decision is the catch.

Another thing I want to do is explore different religions. What's the harm in that? I need to work at what makes me happy and if I can find a religion that doesn't base it's beliefs with judgements then I'll be headed towards the right direction.

Today I feel like I'm getting a fresh start. And who knows, tomorrow I may backtrack, but right now I'm going to enjoy this feeling of being free. I'm ready to work towards my happiness because one of the quotes I read today was

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a way of life."

MOVE IN SUCCESS!

Moved into my apartment! It's pretty awesome. I have my own closet and the bathroom is in the room. Everyone else here seems to be very nice. I can't decide if I want to read my speech book or take a nap because moving in took a lot of energy out of me! One of the coolest things about the apartment? It has an accent wall. :) Then there are sliding glass doors (that don't ACTUALLY slide) so they are more like picture windows. It's pretty neat. I didn't have to bring much at all, the cabinets are full of dishes and they have decorations. It's pretty awesome. The only thing I really need to get is a lamp, apparently the people who designed this apartment only thought that the kitchen and bathrooms needed overhead lighting... So I'm off to Gordmans in the next week to get a kick ass lamp and possibly a picture frame so my Marilyn Monroe picture looks better than hanging there by tacks. Although it feels like a weekend, I still have 2 classes tomorrow..blah! Oh well, after classes are out I'm home bound to go camping with Dad! It's going to be a weekend FULL of campfire food, fishing, and soaking up the sun! and for me it's also for studying...but I'm pretty sure I did that last year there too. Oh the joys of college!