Nightly thoughts

She sits and wonders how things would have been. How different her life would have been if... Reminising on the past and wishing to see so many people again. She's losing her touch, dwindling away her happiness with bitterness and regret. Wishing things that will never come to her, if she never takes down her walls. She's not hopeless, she's filled with so much hope and faith that heaven is practically within her sight. But what she is, is scared. She's scared to become that woman, with lines of bitterness and sadness marking her face. The woman who's smile is at the best, a grimace. She's afraid of being left and thrown into the world that darkness is so much apart of. She searches for light, for that time where she can open up her windows and let the cool breeze wash her worries away. She searches for that smile that she can feel deep within and that love that brings the joy she so often desires. Love. It's what she desires most of all. Love for her career, love for the wonderful people that surround her in life, and the desired love for a family she never knew she wanted. But the fear comes crashing back. Because with that desire comes her worst fear, being alone. She is so scared of being alone that she blocks off anyone that wants in with her brittle looking walls of pride and dignity. She leaves them long before they can leave her, but she knows that's not healthy. She's frozen in a world that goes on day by day with no progress, feeling failure sneaking closer and closer. As much as she tries to force it away for the sake of an acking heart, she knows what the answer is, love. As the Beatles said it best " All you need is love" and call her a hopeless romantic but she knows that's what is true. With a nervous flutter in her stomach and every muscle in her body screaming "run" she takes a chance. Bringing down the wall brick by brick, and with every brick there comes a risk of getting hurt. She is no longer comfortable or content. But as she was told by a powerful man with a voice like thunder " Being comfortable will get you nowhere."