Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Haywire


I'm sitting in my silence infested bedroom trying to read a book that I got from the library today. As I get to the second page I realize that I'm comprehending the book but I'm not giving it my full attention. Then it got me thinking about how some silence can be so loud. Everyone has heard that line in a book or a song most likely before, but it has never been so tangible until now. I'm trying to enjoy this book and as I'm reading I'm almost having another conversation in the back of my head. I have seriously never heard silence quite so loud before. There is a fan across the room yelling into my ear and the the blinding florescent light is buzzing it's way into my nerves. Maybe I'm realizing these things because the this book describes silence in the first six pages. It has made me more perceptible to the minuscule pops of sound around me. It almost makes me timid. As if I'm wanting quite so profoundly but I'm too shy to ask for it to shut up. Although the real question is: How do you ask silence to be...well silent? It's the big elephant in the room that everyone who has experienced has thought about, I assume. I feel like my senses have exploded in the last few minutes. Everything is harshly bright. I can smell the harsh air conditioning invading my room. Even air itself is flowing over my skin, as waves of Arctic chill trickle down my spine, begging my comforter for warmth. My mind is out of control tonight.I'm thinking too deeply about everything. Now I just need to make the decision to embrace this insanity or just drift off to sleep...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Stupid Jeans

I'm worried I'm getting fat...I'm pretty damn voluptuous now but I'm afraid I'm gaining more weight! I feel skinnier but that has to be my confidence talking.

There is just this one pair of jeans in my closet. I've had them forever and sometimes I fit in them and sometimes I don't, but this time (when I don't fit in them) it's really bothering me. I know what I need to do, that's self explanatory. I need to work out. Although that's easier said than done. I have class until 5:45 two days a week and I don't even have to be on campus the other two days, then Friday is my day I get out at 12:50 and who wants to work out on Fridays! This is just my ultra procrastinating self talking here but goodness all I want to do is sit around haha I just don't want to gain more weight than I am right now. I'm perfectly happy with myself and I've never felt better for myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't worry about getting fatter...

As much as I love being a voluptuous girl, the life of one sucks occasionally